. I feel like a slut. I feel humiliated by it." You're not a slut," Seth told me and I choked back a soft sob as he pushed himself from the table, com...ng to my side."I'm a whore," I moaned, shutting my eyes tightly as Seth pulled me against his body, cradling me against him while I sat there."No, you're not," he whispered. "You're nothing like that at all. I'm so sorry, Amber. I didn't mean to hurt you." I did it. I'm sorry. I cheated on my husband. I did it..." I was saying the same things. On Tuesday, there was no good night call. Instead a text message with simply her address and a kissy face emoji. I left it at that, I didn't call her that night.The next morning, I dumped cereal when trying to make my daughter breakfast and forgot to put coffee in the coffeemaker. My daughter knowingly said "Daddy, are you thinking about Rachel?" I was.I dropped her off at school, stopped by the little French bakery to grab a few sweet treats and then headed to the address Rachel had sent. He straddled the line between good friend, merely acceptable, and utterly repulsive. The lines were vague and fairly close, so it was not difficult for a mercurial person, such as him, to perform such a balancing act. This was, perhaps, the extent of his appeal: the thrill of the wrong, the stability of the right, the comfort of the safe. But this moment defied that, destroyed that line he balanced on. On the plane of personality, he had become the dark shadow of anxious anticipation. He was. And loved it the third. What I didn't like was that I began to get hard when I thoughtabout him. I didn't know why. There was something about him that excitedme. And I remember thinking it was sick. How Mike's Dad would despise meif he knew I felt that way. I went to confession. The priest was kind. Said it was a crush,and not really sexual, not gay at all, and that I shouldn't worry about it.But I couldn't quit thinking him. I started wondering what he looked likenaked. Started.
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